The room-silencing host of last month’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner and anchor of “The Daily Show” spinoff opens with: “Guys, I have to tell you … I’m excited about tonight’s show. You know why? Because we’re going to be talking about weed.”
Wilmore kicks it off with a CBS News report on how Baltimore Ravens offensive tackle Eugene Monroe is trying to change the NFL’s current marijuana substance abuse policy, interjecting, “They should be trying to change their approach to that other abuse policy,” and making an argument that “the NFL should love the idea of marijuana in football, because first of all, it’s the only way to make league sponsor Papa Johns seem edible.”
The weed news roundup continues with Monroe’s argument for marijuana in place of opioids, to which Wilmore chimes in, “Guys, I don’t mean to bum you out, but opioids might have taken Prince from us. It’s awful, right? Meanwhile, the only bad thing pot has done is turn Seth Rogen into a movie star.”
The next “hit” jumps to the senior set with stats on how they’re the fastest-growing demographic of cannabis users in the country.
We could do without the bubbling bong sound bite between topics. And Wilmore agrees. “That’s just strange, isn’t it?”
Wilmore wraps up the segment with a final story he introduces as, “Shockingly, this marijuana news comes to us from Colorado” (he’s totally over the bong at this point too — “Do we have to do this thing every time?”). An overly enthusiastic MSNBC reporter tells us that “pot smokers in Colorado are helping send kids to college!” Wilmore replies, “But it kinda makes sense because the only thing that can make you feel smarter than a college education is weed.”
He cuts to a report from KRDO in Colorado Springs in a clip that explains marijuana tax money is going toward scholarships in Pueblo County, “which is now telling students it’s time to apply for that money. They’re looking for Pueblo high school seniors who plan to stay in Pueblo for college.”
MSNBC shares, “Analysts report that Colorado growers and buyers paid over $135 million in taxes last year,” to which Wilmore slyly says, “Yeah, they paid it of course to the “High-R-S.” A joke he’s proud of, “Yeah, yeah, thank you … worked on that one all day, ya’ll, yeah.”
It’s a confusing scenario for Wilmore, so he throws it to “Pueblo County Comptroller Slade Kinnebrew” in a smoke-filled office “via satellite.” The original sketch attempting to outline the details of how the program really works is pretty funny, but poor Pueblo.
Watch “Larry’s Dank News Stash” in full below.